oh I feel queasy and dizzy and I had better feel better before tomorrow or I'll
punsh sum brix
ughhgsdf don't want to leave the house wtf agoraphobia go away we've talked about this I want you OUT
ha
ha
ha
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
SKREEE
I AM SO EXCITED FOR TOMORROW AND THIS WEEKEND!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Oh my god I can't wait asdskgfg.
There was an old man named Bobimbo (dun dun)
He was an angry yojimbo (dun dun)
But ask all around
His elegant sound
Is definitely his rapturous limbo (dun dun)
(I don't know, either!)
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Oh my god I can't wait asdskgfg.
There was an old man named Bobimbo (dun dun)
He was an angry yojimbo (dun dun)
But ask all around
His elegant sound
Is definitely his rapturous limbo (dun dun)
(I don't know, either!)
sszzt
when will I be out of this slump I thought it was a weeklong thing but it's seemed to have decided it wants to stay for a month or more
evermore
evermore
evermore
evermore
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
wherein the Augustine principle is discussed but never defined
To bring back the past is an unnecessary path in life, which we will see in our experiments. The child did not know this, of course, and looked to any means of reliving those long nights outside, alone beneath the stars- and there were plenty of stars back then- with only a wistful look and the dog- the true mother. It was here that Saline first met the child, chattering from upon a branch arching high above, her maw dripping (splat splat splat) and the dog took no notice, but she did curl about the child in the snow, as if to protect it from this thing that did not, as far as she was concerned, exist. The Word's true form is never remembered, and subsequently miscarried over time, but we can be sure that It was poisonous none-the-less, and detrimental to all that the child would experience from then on.
"got a lon-lon-long way to go, huh-huh-huh?? WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR face you know you wanna know you wanna know where to go but it ain't gonna be an E-A-S-Y thing, hahhhhh???"
The thing was never perfect, and her drone has only deteriorated through the years, her speech growing harsher, but one thing it lacks now that it had then was constant Pitch, and so the child knew it was not a thing to be feared, for it was honest and true like none other.
This is when we see the first discrepancies. The thing would perch up there all winter and well into summer, but come August it would fade, as that month was the month of its namesake, and She took it to reform the Cheshire. Saline's screams could be heard from within the walls, and though the child could hear them, it did nothing- it feared August, as did all inhabitants of the house. So Saline grew to despise the child, more than she did already, for that was simply her nature. She would come when the child lay awake and gnaw at its fingers and toes, clawing its arms and leaving slightly mysterious bruises and scars which the child never had to explain, for no one cared in the least. March would sit with the child as she was accustomed, but she could do nothing to keep the Cheshire away, for she was beneath and had already known August's wrath.
The relationship between August and Saline is unpredictable at best. It is violent and lustful, as is the Saint's relationship with most members of the house (if not, indeed, all) yet She rebuilds Saline in an imperfect manner, with the mechanics never quite falling to Her usual sense. Saline hates the Saint, which is unusual in the house (even 12% could never hate August- it simply isn't possible), and August has neglected any attempt to fix this. She is excited by the cruel Cheshire, intrigued by her rabid screaming and flailing fistsclawsteethmouth. There are no rooms in the house Saline is forbidden from except for the Inner Sanction, which has never been confirmed as existing, so we may ignore that factor.
CANTABILE
99136 78422 00166
"got a lon-lon-long way to go, huh-huh-huh?? WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR face you know you wanna know you wanna know where to go but it ain't gonna be an E-A-S-Y thing, hahhhhh???"
The thing was never perfect, and her drone has only deteriorated through the years, her speech growing harsher, but one thing it lacks now that it had then was constant Pitch, and so the child knew it was not a thing to be feared, for it was honest and true like none other.
This is when we see the first discrepancies. The thing would perch up there all winter and well into summer, but come August it would fade, as that month was the month of its namesake, and She took it to reform the Cheshire. Saline's screams could be heard from within the walls, and though the child could hear them, it did nothing- it feared August, as did all inhabitants of the house. So Saline grew to despise the child, more than she did already, for that was simply her nature. She would come when the child lay awake and gnaw at its fingers and toes, clawing its arms and leaving slightly mysterious bruises and scars which the child never had to explain, for no one cared in the least. March would sit with the child as she was accustomed, but she could do nothing to keep the Cheshire away, for she was beneath and had already known August's wrath.
The relationship between August and Saline is unpredictable at best. It is violent and lustful, as is the Saint's relationship with most members of the house (if not, indeed, all) yet She rebuilds Saline in an imperfect manner, with the mechanics never quite falling to Her usual sense. Saline hates the Saint, which is unusual in the house (even 12% could never hate August- it simply isn't possible), and August has neglected any attempt to fix this. She is excited by the cruel Cheshire, intrigued by her rabid screaming and flailing fistsclawsteethmouth. There are no rooms in the house Saline is forbidden from except for the Inner Sanction, which has never been confirmed as existing, so we may ignore that factor.
CANTABILE
99136 78422 00166
Monday, April 27, 2009
hurggghghh
blipblipblip
I need somewhere to crash in like.. a week, for an indeterminate amount of time, with internet. How pathetic is it that I feel I cannot go for a month without (arguably) reliable internet? Oh.. dear...
I wish I knew what to do.
I need somewhere to crash in like.. a week, for an indeterminate amount of time, with internet. How pathetic is it that I feel I cannot go for a month without (arguably) reliable internet? Oh.. dear...
I wish I knew what to do.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
RAGE
OH MY GOD I NEED A NEW LAPTOP THIS IS JUST BULLSHIT
FFF
FFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
No, really.
FFF
FFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
No, really.
Monday, April 20, 2009
somewhere in between
Without blindness, there is no sight
You'd see further if you'd only close your eyes
In unconsciousness, I can find peace
Inside prison walls, I can find release
There is a place that I have seen
Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Down at the water's edge
Somebody waits for me
Is it to late for me?
It's never too late he says
(Without blindness (Without blindness))
(There is no sight (There is failure))
(You'd see further (People gather))
(If you'd (By the river))
(Close your eyes (They were talking))
(About the failure)
There is a place that I have seen
Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Leaning over the side
Trailing my fingertips
Feeling the water slip
Into the quiet night
Viewed from the wrong end of a telescope
I see myself, so far below
Still and silent, rest in peace
A thread unravels a merciful release
There is a place that I have seen
Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Now I can almost see
Figures upon the shore
He's gathering in the oars
Where are you taking me
- Air, Somewhere Between Waking and Sleeping
Interesting.
Oh my god I never knew Neil Hannon sung this! I love him so much... he sings Geronimo, Life on Mars, and Le Jours tristes, pretty sure I put at least one of those on your mix CD. Mmmmm.
You'd see further if you'd only close your eyes
In unconsciousness, I can find peace
Inside prison walls, I can find release
There is a place that I have seen
Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Down at the water's edge
Somebody waits for me
Is it to late for me?
It's never too late he says
(Without blindness (Without blindness))
(There is no sight (There is failure))
(You'd see further (People gather))
(If you'd (By the river))
(Close your eyes (They were talking))
(About the failure)
There is a place that I have seen
Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Leaning over the side
Trailing my fingertips
Feeling the water slip
Into the quiet night
Viewed from the wrong end of a telescope
I see myself, so far below
Still and silent, rest in peace
A thread unravels a merciful release
There is a place that I have seen
Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Now I can almost see
Figures upon the shore
He's gathering in the oars
Where are you taking me
- Air, Somewhere Between Waking and Sleeping
Interesting.
Oh my god I never knew Neil Hannon sung this! I love him so much... he sings Geronimo, Life on Mars, and Le Jours tristes, pretty sure I put at least one of those on your mix CD. Mmmmm.
ye olde childrene's storie
One day a young boy went for a walk to the local pond. Noticing a small tadpole in the pond, he cried out, for it shimmered and sparkled like none he had ever before seen. "Oh tadpole!" he exclaimed in his excitement, "However did you become so magnificent, even in your small form?" The tadpole wriggled, thinking a moment. "Good sir," it replied, "I do not know how I am this form, but it surely is not a blessing, for throughout the day I am pursued relentlessly by the heron and the large fish. It is truly a difficult life. Woe is me!" The boy listened to the tadpole's lament, and, feeling sorry for the creature, ran home quickly to pick up a small bowl. Upon returning to the pond, he immediately spotted the odd tadpole. "Quick, little tadpole, you must jump in here, and I shall bring you home and keep you safe from harm." So the tadpole leaped rather hurriedly into the bowl, which the boy had filled with water from the pond. "I am eternally indebted, good sir," it said with great relief. Together they went home, and became fast friends. However, the boy noticed that the tadpole was growing quite large, and he was concerned. "Dear tadpole, what if you outgrow your bowl?" he asked. "I suppose I shall need a larger one, then," the tadpole replied thoughtfully. The boy looked all over the house, high and low, until he found a large wash basin. "Quick, little tadpole, you must jump in here, or else you could become constricted in your small bowl!" So the tadpole leaped into the wash basin rather clumsily. As it did so, the boy noticed for the first time that it had become less iridescent, and he lamented. "Dear tadpole, are you ill? You do not shine as you once did, and you move so slowly." The tadpole swam about, pondering what the boy had said. "No, I do not believe I am ill," it said at length, "for I have my good friend to take care of me. Do not fret." So the boy did not say any more on the subject, though as the weeks went on he became more and more worried by the lethargy of his friend. One day, he found his poor little tadpole floating at the top of the washbasin, breathing very shallowly. "Oh my dear friend!" he cried out, "I have been taking the worst of care of you, and now you are dying!" He began to cry, but the tadpole wiggled feebly. "No, my best of friends," it said quietly, "You have given me life, but there are times when even the greatest care proves fruitless. I was doomed from the start, with this peculiar body." The boy cried at the fatalistic comment from the tadpole, and when his tears fell into the water a miraculous thing happened. The tadpole grew limbs, not of a frog but of a boy, and sprouted hair upon his head. Before long, the boy was looking at another boy, one he had never met yet knew quite well. "Dear tadpole!" he exclaimed, "You are all right!" The tadpole- now a boy- nodded enthusiastically, his eyes shining as his body once had. "You have done a marvelous thing!" he said with fervor, "And now I have been reborn! Together we may live life, from our first loves to our old age. It is all because of your kindness!" And so the two friends lived a long life, each always helping the other in his time of need, and when finally they passed away they were truly happy.
THE END
oh my god that was so horrible
YE OLDE FOLKTALE
Once there was a man who lived with his family in a small mountain town. One day, while sitting by a small brook in the forest, he came upon an injured wolf. It was larger than any he had ever before seen, and it spoke to him in a weary tone. “O good sir,” it said, “I have been stricken by the arrows of men, and I have none to help me. If you find it in your heart the kindness to set me well, I shall repay you one hundredfold.” The man listened to the beast in silence. It was large enough to feed and cloth his entire family for nigh on a year, and the claws of a wolf would fetch a high price in the market he thought greedily. “I am sorry, wolf,” he said at last, “but you see I have a family of my own, and besides, how should I know that you would not murder us in our sleep?” So speaking, he butchered the animal, and called his family to help him carry the remnants of the animal home. That night, as he lay in the warmth of the beast’s fur, his stomach full, he heard a peculiar noise from outside. Taking his lantern, he went to investigate, and to his horror was met by the hulking skeleton of the wolf, its bones glistening in the moonlight. “O good sir,” it rasped, “I did meet you in ill health, and you took my life without so much as a thought. For your greed, I condemn you to the life of a monster, and your family will be the ones who hunt you.” With that, the cadaver vanished. The man laughed, thinking it only a dream, and returned to his hut. As he lay his head down, he felt a strange stirring in his hands, and looked with astonishment at his hands, which had grown long claws and shaggy fur. He cried out in terror, but the noise which came from his mouth was that of a savage animal, and he felt sharp teeth replace his own. The noise he made had woken his oldest son, who grabbed a pole and stabbed at the animal. Fleeing the house, the man found he was no longer a man at all, but entirely creature. With one last mournful look at his home, he ran far away, deep into the forests, to live amongst his kin and be hunted like all beasts.
THE END
oh my god that was so horrible
YE OLDE FOLKTALE
Once there was a man who lived with his family in a small mountain town. One day, while sitting by a small brook in the forest, he came upon an injured wolf. It was larger than any he had ever before seen, and it spoke to him in a weary tone. “O good sir,” it said, “I have been stricken by the arrows of men, and I have none to help me. If you find it in your heart the kindness to set me well, I shall repay you one hundredfold.” The man listened to the beast in silence. It was large enough to feed and cloth his entire family for nigh on a year, and the claws of a wolf would fetch a high price in the market he thought greedily. “I am sorry, wolf,” he said at last, “but you see I have a family of my own, and besides, how should I know that you would not murder us in our sleep?” So speaking, he butchered the animal, and called his family to help him carry the remnants of the animal home. That night, as he lay in the warmth of the beast’s fur, his stomach full, he heard a peculiar noise from outside. Taking his lantern, he went to investigate, and to his horror was met by the hulking skeleton of the wolf, its bones glistening in the moonlight. “O good sir,” it rasped, “I did meet you in ill health, and you took my life without so much as a thought. For your greed, I condemn you to the life of a monster, and your family will be the ones who hunt you.” With that, the cadaver vanished. The man laughed, thinking it only a dream, and returned to his hut. As he lay his head down, he felt a strange stirring in his hands, and looked with astonishment at his hands, which had grown long claws and shaggy fur. He cried out in terror, but the noise which came from his mouth was that of a savage animal, and he felt sharp teeth replace his own. The noise he made had woken his oldest son, who grabbed a pole and stabbed at the animal. Fleeing the house, the man found he was no longer a man at all, but entirely creature. With one last mournful look at his home, he ran far away, deep into the forests, to live amongst his kin and be hunted like all beasts.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
musings
Yet I will be the one who ends up alone, in the end, because I only push people away. I don't want the attention of another.
hm hm hm
I think that's true.
This happens sometimes. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to dream. Whatever.
I guess I dream about things that've happened and what may happen and what will never happen, the usual stuff, but never enjoyable in waking.
hm hm hm
I think that's true.
This happens sometimes. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to dream. Whatever.
I guess I dream about things that've happened and what may happen and what will never happen, the usual stuff, but never enjoyable in waking.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
wat iz dis
Sometimes when I finally learn something on piano it makes me feel so goddamn good. I can't play anything particularly well, but finishing something I've been working on makes me-- dare I say!-- vaguely proud. Not in the sense of OH MAN GUYS LISTEN TO ME I'M THE NEXT CHOPIN ^___^, since I know I can't play it well at all... but eh >_> It's fun when no one else is there AHAHA self conscious ffff
Sometimes when I finally learn something on piano it makes me feel so goddamn good. I can't play anything particularly well, but finishing something I've been working on makes me-- dare I say!-- vaguely proud. Not in the sense of OH MAN GUYS LISTEN TO ME I'M THE NEXT CHOPIN ^___^, since I know I can't play it well at all... but eh >_> It's fun when no one else is there AHAHA self conscious ffff
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
WHY
WHY WON'T ANYONE HANG OUT WITH ME
I'M NOT THAT UNLIKEABLE
... AM I???
capslock cruise control cool etc
... You know, I say this now, but once I actually hang out with someone I'm going to get bored/irritated instantly. orz
I'M NOT THAT UNLIKEABLE
... AM I???
capslock cruise control cool etc
... You know, I say this now, but once I actually hang out with someone I'm going to get bored/irritated instantly. orz
Monday, April 13, 2009
BORED BORED BOARD
AHHHH
THERE IS NOTHING TO DO I AM GOING TO END UP WASTING MY SPRING BREAK DOING FUCK ALL
AHHHH!!
Well, I'm writing, but that's going slowly. Sloowwwlllyy.
At least maybe I'll buy my plane ticket soon, after selling a few organs and whoring myself out. Awesome.
Oh hell, if it rains tomorrow I'm going up to Hill cemetary. (so I don't actually know what it's called, but you know--) Hurr hurr. I really wish I could go to some old church or cathedral, but alas, we.. don't have those in AMERICA. I would literally murder someone to go see the cathedral in Nantes. >_>
THERE IS NOTHING TO DO I AM GOING TO END UP WASTING MY SPRING BREAK DOING FUCK ALL
AHHHH!!
Well, I'm writing, but that's going slowly. Sloowwwlllyy.
At least maybe I'll buy my plane ticket soon, after selling a few organs and whoring myself out. Awesome.
Oh hell, if it rains tomorrow I'm going up to Hill cemetary. (so I don't actually know what it's called, but you know--) Hurr hurr. I really wish I could go to some old church or cathedral, but alas, we.. don't have those in AMERICA. I would literally murder someone to go see the cathedral in Nantes. >_>
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
good mood?!
WAT
WAAAT
I'm in a relatively good mood! I felt like shit all day until I got home, and now I feel pretty good. Shocking, I know.
I haven't slept all weekend, and I've felt like a total dolt, but it's okay because hopefully by tomorrow I'll be less stupid and able to use English properly! Goddamn I suck.
BUT, YOU KNOW
YOU KNOWWWW
I can't stop saying that, dear gawd.
askfds I want to go to England and have a picnic with Are right now. :[ So bad... Of course, by picnic I'd probably mean sitting in a room eating baguette and taramosalata because it's like 9 and there's no way we'd bike all the way to the park--
Well, we might.
WAAAT
I'm in a relatively good mood! I felt like shit all day until I got home, and now I feel pretty good. Shocking, I know.
I haven't slept all weekend, and I've felt like a total dolt, but it's okay because hopefully by tomorrow I'll be less stupid and able to use English properly! Goddamn I suck.
BUT, YOU KNOW
YOU KNOWWWW
I can't stop saying that, dear gawd.
askfds I want to go to England and have a picnic with Are right now. :[ So bad... Of course, by picnic I'd probably mean sitting in a room eating baguette and taramosalata because it's like 9 and there's no way we'd bike all the way to the park--
Well, we might.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Told my dad I hate him and Claire. A lot. .. Because they were having some huge shit fest.
And he just goes off on how I'm just huffy and in a bad mood blah blah blah YOU KNOW IT ISN'T TRUE YOU STILL LOVE US
yeeeeah
no.
I've hated both of you for a long, long time.
Between him and my mother I've pretty much lost any love towards them. Sure, my mom can pull fucking psychological bullshit, but I've just.. hated my dad for as long as I can remember. He left me, and while I'm sure he thinks he's a great father, I dream of hurting him in the worst ways possible.
Hey! But look at me now! I'm your huge disappointment, and I'll just keep disappointing you. I don't give a fuck! HAHA!
Really, all that gets me now is how annoying this whole family is.
Oh, and he's known that I have never enjoyed being touched. My whole life I've shied away from any physical contact, he knows I hate it and that I cringe (hell, it's partially his fault in the first place) but he always tries to hug me/pat me on the shoulder (and by pat I mean grip my shoulder and slap my back, fucking hurts) and so I shoved him off. "Don't touch me, you know I hate it" and then he says I'm just being rude for no reason. No, no dad there is reason and it's not rude when you're the one violating mywishes.
fucking shit saline wants it to g-g-g-go d-d-dooownnnn
And he just goes off on how I'm just huffy and in a bad mood blah blah blah YOU KNOW IT ISN'T TRUE YOU STILL LOVE US
yeeeeah
no.
I've hated both of you for a long, long time.
Between him and my mother I've pretty much lost any love towards them. Sure, my mom can pull fucking psychological bullshit, but I've just.. hated my dad for as long as I can remember. He left me, and while I'm sure he thinks he's a great father, I dream of hurting him in the worst ways possible.
Hey! But look at me now! I'm your huge disappointment, and I'll just keep disappointing you. I don't give a fuck! HAHA!
Really, all that gets me now is how annoying this whole family is.
Oh, and he's known that I have never enjoyed being touched. My whole life I've shied away from any physical contact, he knows I hate it and that I cringe (hell, it's partially his fault in the first place) but he always tries to hug me/pat me on the shoulder (and by pat I mean grip my shoulder and slap my back, fucking hurts) and so I shoved him off. "Don't touch me, you know I hate it" and then he says I'm just being rude for no reason. No, no dad there is reason and it's not rude when you're the one violating mywishes.
fucking shit saline wants it to g-g-g-go d-d-dooownnnn
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